Dawn of the Evil Chainsaw Killers
by prettywhiteclouds
Summary: (or, Why Darcy Isn't Allowed to Plan Vacations Anymore) If you're gonna go psycho killer on a bunch of hormonal young adults, it's best to make sure they're not superheroes first.


"We be all night! Looooove! LOOOOO-"

"NO." Bucky reached from the backseat of the rented SUV and jabbed the power button on the stereo. The knob cracked down the middle.

"-ove." Kate looked at Bucky in the rearview mirror and pouted. "Thanks, Robocop. I'd rather not pay for damages on this thing, you know."

"We've been listening to Beyoncé for an hour, Kate," he said, closing his eyes and trying to enjoy the relative silence. The backseat was crammed and uncomfortable - Kate's assault on everyone's ears wasn't helping anyway. "Who put you and Darce up front anyway? You gals shouldn't even be allowed near the radio."

Darcy Lewis swung around to glare at him from the front passenger seat. "You're one to talk, Buckaroo. I've heard you singing along to Michael Bublé." Bucky winked in response and Darcy giggled.

"Ugh, stop it," Kate said. "Besides we're out-of-range for radio stations now, and isomeone/i only brought one CD. So blame Miss Chavez, not me."

"Way to sell me out," America said from the middle of the backseat. Despite knowing that she'd be cramped between Bucky and Steve, neither of whom could be called slender by any means, America had volunteered for her spot. Either Darcy and Bucky would have started making out in the back, traumatizing everyone, or Kate and Bucky would have killed each other. She leaned towards Steve to say _What are we doing here?_ but he was completely asleep, head leaned back on the seat and mouth wide open.

It was only a week ago that Steve had stomped into the common room floor at Avengers Tower and loudly declared, "I need a vacation." Bucky and Darcy had been concerned, of course. Steve Rogers was the type to quietly deal with his own business and slip away if he needed too, so this had to be serious. Darcy looked up nearby vacation rentals and had several options ready for him within a few minutes. America and Kate had joined them for dinner later that night and immediately said "hell yes" to Steve's chosen plan - a long weekend at a secluded cabin, no villains or crises or near apocalypses. Spending their days swimming in a lake and their nights eating s'mores by the fire... It sounded amazing.

Luckily, the drive only lasted a couple hours longer and the group piled out of the car with most of their sanity intact. Bags in hand, they stood in front of a cozy-looking cabin set deep in the forest in upstate New York. The cabin sat on the edge of a peaceful lake and had its own dock with a boat launch. There was a picnic table out front not far from a fire pit surrounded by well-worn adirondack chairs.

Darcy studied a woodcarving next to the front door while America turned over a paddleboat resting against the side of the building. The carving was built into the wall and showed a bear ripping into a deer with its claws.

"Not exactly 'Welcome Home', but okay, it's nature," she said and couldn't help but shiver as she walked over to help America, who did not seem to actually need any. The guys unloaded the bags and coolers from the SUV and placed them on the patio. Darcy stepped in front of the door again and surveyed the group. Kate and Steve looked excited and impatient, Bucky - being Bucky - was cataloging their surroundings, and America just stared at her fingernails. "Well, without any further ado..."

She unlocked the front door and swung it open, revealing a spacious living room and a decently-sized (for a two-bedroom cabin) kitchen. Kate ran past Darcy toward the bedrooms and peeked her head in each.

"Dibs on the master," she called out from the larger of the two as she belly-flopped down on the bed. A cloud of dust puffed around her as she did so, making her cough. "Oh gross. Didn't you say this place got cleaned, Darcy?"

"No, I didn't."

Kate rolled off the bed and onto the floor, landing on her feet. She walked around the room, opening drawers and peeking behind picture frames. She checked under the bed last because _dead bodies - duh_. America entered the room just as Kate was pulling herself back out from under the bed.

"Why do you have an axe?" America pointed at the rusted tool in Kate's hand. Kate tested the weight of the axe and tossed it from hand to hand.

"What? You didn't bring one?" She quirked an eyebrow at the curly-haired woman. "Good thing someone left one under the bed. Totally useful and not terrifying." America grabbed the axe from Kate's hand before she could toss it again and placed the tool on the nearby nightstand.

"We're a little far out for an emergency tetanus shot, Kate."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Kate winked and walked out of the bedroom past Steve, who was leaning against the door frame.

"Your girlfriend is weird," America said to Steve as she watched Kate open one of the coolers and grab a bag of Doritos.

"_My_ girlfriend?" Steve balked. "Why is she only my girlfriend when she's weird?"

"You're weird too," she said, pushing him out of the way (and he let her) to follow Kate.

The next few hours were spent unpacking and swimming in the lake. The weather had been uncommonly hot, so the cool water was a blessing. The girls took turns playing chicken with Steve and Bucky on the bottom, but gave up when the boys decided to just chase each other around the lake. Darcy was the first back on land after declaring herself sufficiently "prune-y." She walked back up to the cabin and laughed to herself as she listened to Bucky's yelps from the lake. Steve really liked grabbing people's legs underwater - and Bucky found it hilarious when he'd done it to Darcy. As much as she loved Bucky, Darcy thought that he needed a taste of his own medicine sometimes.

She opened the front door and started to step inside, then slowly stepped back out and closed the door.

"What the fuck?! James," she yelled, suddenly feeling like the heat was getting more oppressive. She tried to steady her breathing while she listened to Bucky as he swam to the edge of the lake and ran to her. He stood next to Darcy and joined her in staring at the door. The rest of the group followed soon after, Kate the only one out-of-breath.

"What's going on? What - wait. How did that get out here?" Kate rubbed her face with her hands and sighed. "Can't we just have one little break? Is it really too much to ask for?"

America stepped forward and braced one hand on the door frame. With the other, she pulled on the handle of the rusty axe, which had been used to pin a dead bird. The bird fell to the ground with a soft _thud_ and Darcy whimpered.

"Okay, I can put up with doom-bots and aliens," Darcy said, grabbing onto Bucky's arm. "But I draw the line at psychopaths in the woods. Seriously. We need to get the hell out of here." Steve jogged over to the car and checked the outside and undercarriage for any damage. He walked back to the group and nodded to Bucky, then the cabin door.

"Bucky and I will check inside. You watch out here." He shook his head at the car. "Brake line's cut. We're going to need some help."


End file.
